New things can be scary, too...

My dad is searching for a new job. And it's not like, "Oh, we'll think about it if the perfect opportunity comes up." It's like "I have to get a new job." I understand that; we talked for a long time about everything the other night, and he isn't doing what he wants to do at all. Lately, he is spending most of his nights online, e-mailing his resume to friends and looking online for what he wants. Mom and I talked about how now the time seems right; before, it didn't ever seem like God really wanted us to move because of commitments. But now, almost all those commitments are done (I'm done at CP, my mom is working on not being involved with children's ministry at church anymore, my great-aunt will most likely be in a nursing home soon, my grandma is thinking about going to a senior place not like assisted living but a community or whatever, stuff like that). They are more serious about this now than I have ever seen them before.

All that isn't scary. The part that is: moving away. Far away from here.

One opportunity that he really liked and is hoping (realistically) for is in Plano, Texas. One not so far away is in Kansas City, and he could work at home most of the time for that one. But he really wants a "change in venue," as he put it. He's looking in Oklahoma City, too. That would be so great for mom, since it would be so close to all her family. (I would get even more crap for going to York and not OC if we lived there, haha.) But all that means is that when I have breaks, I wouldn't be able to go see all my friends because my family won't be where my friends are.

Okay, yeah, Kansas is on the way to Texas and Oklahoma from Nebraska, but still. I would barely get to see anyone before I would need to leave to go visit my family. I know, I know, I'm being kinda selfish about it. But you know you would be, too.

Nothing is too certain right now. Dad may very well just get that job in Kansas City. But my parents are both hoping so so much for somewhere else (more specifically the Plano job). It'd be cool to live there, but I would be so far away. I really don't know what I'd do. All this is pretty exhausting. I'm confused and torn between being selfish and praying for daddy to get the perfect job for him (finally). I don't know. Too many people I actually know read my xanga, but I just had to get all this out somewhere.

Sigh.

Growing up is scary.

No, seriously. If you really think about it, it can be really intimidating. College, generally that blind dive into the real world, is a huge step from high school. No parents, no home-cooked meals at least once a week, no completely slacking off; different rules, different people, different setting, different life all together.

Don't get me wrong, I am totally stoked for college; I really don't even know if I can say how excited I am for it. Especially because I love York and I made it into the Concert Choir and I have friends there already and it's everything I want. It's just going to take so much getting used to. It'll definitely make me realize how much I really took everything for granted. And even though I always say stuff like I'm not coming back very often and I'm just ready to get away, I know that once I'm gone I'll miss it... and I'll come back to visit as much as I can.

One more day of high school and two half days of finals left. Graduation is in twelve days. Oh my gosh.